Nathan Hall in the U.S. South July 2000

Dear Hortense

Wibble, Porpoise, Long John Silver. Sorry, what I meant to say is I've arrived in Atlanta, but the fact that I've had 6 hours sleep

in the last 56 hours is warping my powers of sentence construction.I am currently orbitting the outer planets without the aid of NASA or illegal substances! On wednesday night i only had 4 and half hours sleep due to anticipation -- then i was running around Cardiff like a big blue arsed running thing trying to sort out dollars and such like. By the way i managed, with 4 words, to lose myself 200 quid and jeopardise a lot more -- when filling in a holiday form for the DSS entitled "Going on holiday in GB" I cheefully piped up -- like a complete arse -- "I'm going to the USA." Quick as you like she said "Oh well in that case you need to sign off" DOH!!!!! to the power of infinity. i will now need to complete another 20 page document to get re-connected when I get back! Again -- what a complete and utter slow witted arse!

Anyway i managed to get maybe an hours sleep between 1am and 7am, when I booked in for the flight. I was dozing for 5 minutes at a time and then wriggling about like a giant goatee bearded cabbage white caterpillar. It didn't help that the tannoy announced every 7 seconds that "unattended bags are a security threat and will be destroyed with extreme prejudice" -- it managed to weave it's way into my oh so short snatches of shut eye. In fear of thieves lifting my stuff or security people detonating my smalls, I ended up with my shoulder bag on my stomach precipitating stomach cramps, my big bag as the lumpiest pillow this side of Satan's Youth Hostel Dormitory and my hand perched on my rucksack as a feeble "Don't try it buddy" gesture -- yeah right! I was so weak from lack of sleep that I would have been easy pickings for a malnourished but plucky magpie. In the end i gave up and with a comedy flushed puffed up face and a sour "Oh f**K it!" stomped off to McDonalds for a coffee.

Anyway, then we get to the best bit. I've got to Gatwick, sampled the Cosmopolitan atmosphere; met a ridiculously clued up character; i've stayed up all night, I've successfully booked in; I'm really enjoying all this mind expansion, broaden my horizons build up stuff; and then I'm going down the boarding tunnel -- and Oh my God I have the most savage knife in the stomach panic attack -- not about the flying -- no -- the one thing i hadn't considered -- CLAUSTROPHOBIA. FULL SCALE. The plane was much smaller than i thought it would be; far fuller than I thought it would be -- and those windows are tiny; and they don't open; and I'm on here FOR 10 HOURS. 10. HOURS. I started to feel sick and turned to get off -- I'm not kidding! But then I made myself sit down -- it wasn't taking off for another half hour. I could get off. But what clinched it was the thought of how HUMILIATING it would have been to return to Cardiff and explain to everyone what had happened -- not least to Lori. It would have been torture. So...I calmed down and the air conditioning kicked in -- claustrophobia makes your temperature rocket -- it's nightmarish -- but this cooled me down and i thought "You bloody well are going". The plane started up and taxi'd making wierd moaning herbivore dinosaur sounds which were a bit freaky -- hydraulics? -- and then after a delay I heard the jets kick in and it suddenly accelerated in a phenomenal way which was just SUCH A BUZZ! Nathan in adrenaline love shocker! What next? Turbo Snow Board Bungee parachute bob sledding ? There was never a doubt that it could take off -the power was incredible and you have just got to imagine what it's like to leave the ground for the first time with all your adult faculties in overload -- UN-SODDING-BELIEVABLE.

Unfortunately i was in the middle aisle -- people in the window seats were so blase about flying they barely glanced out -- so i had a word with the flight attendant and he said "Would you like to meet the pilots?" Picture if you will a boy scout saying in a sickeningly cheesy outburst "Do you mean it? Do you really mean it? Boy would i ever!". Lord forgive me, I was that scout. And the view from the cockpit was just unbelievable -- a candy floss ocean is a pretty freaky sight. We were doing 550mph and we seemed to be stationary. Amazing.

Anyway, the trip across was pretty humdrum after that because I couldn't see anything; i was too tired to read; every time I fell asleep i woke up 4 seconds later as my head snapped back up.

The landing was a much more flawed process than the take off -- serious drops and banks and drops and banks -- I found it a bit hairy to be honest. But then we hit the ground and here I am. The temperature here is beyond anything I've ever experienced. Too. Tired. To. Go. On. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ